Memories about...pegging
That’s not a good mental health practice. What kind of crap is that? If you want that, there’s something wrong with you. My ass is “Exit Only”. It’s like hooking up with a transgender person. It’s perverted. It’s for freaks. That’s for queers.
These are some answers I received when asking my heterosexual male friends about a hot topic: pegging.
For those who aren’t familiar, this phrase was coined by Dan Savage in 2011, and indicates a sexual practice in which a woman, equipped with a strap-on, sodomizes the man. (Again - for our beginners in the room, the strap-on is a phallic belt attached with a dildo. There are also strapless models, which are certainly more refined and more aesthetically pleasing, but require a pelvic floor of a certain stamina). In short, pegging means that the woman penetrates the man.
The practice in and of itself is nothing new. In fact, you can find traces of it in Ancient Greek civilization, namely with the “olisboi”: leather instruments used for male anal pleasure. Since then, time has passed and technology, along with many other areas in life, has come a long way. So much so, that it’s possible to choose from a wide range of options dedicated to anal-prostatic stimulation.
If you are still wondering what is pegging in sexual terms, we are talking about a pratice that allows women to take ownership of their sexuality, by challenging the traditional power dynamics in which the man should always be the penetrator and the woman the penetrated. At the same time, this is an equally opportunity sex act, because for example lesbians use strap-ons a lot. So anyone can peg and be pegged. As in any other sexual experimentation, clear communication and enthusiastic consent are the key and you should proceed only if you are totally comfortable with it.
It’s important to remind men that the prostate is an erogenous zone that’s often overlooked. Unfortunately, anal play has always been (and still is) a big taboo for cis men, and that’s why it’s a practice that has been, for a long time, stigmatised and relegated to the shadows. Porn research trends, anyways, show that it’s something quite looked into by men. But if porn has legitimised women pegging their men, it brings along many stereotypes we still need to fight, especially related to our society and culture, as it’s happened with many other sexual act showed in porn.
But if technology flies by that quickly, where does that leave our culture?
To answer that question, I decided to do what I usually do, and draw upon my own experiences, along with stories and testimonies related to sex and relationships that I’ve been collecting for years. I began to reflect on my past, sifting through the archives of my bedroom, and I realized that even my own attitude towards this topic has evolved over time.
The fact of the matter is that I’d always thought of a man’s ass as inviolable. When it came to my erotic lexicon--the set of rules and regulations that made up my sexual language--I had never found any traces of “male anus” whatsoever.
Sexually speaking, men were wonderful beings without having to consider the aforementioned hole. Of course they had one, they shit and they farted, but it was unimaginable that they wanted to feel stimulated there. Sure, Rocco had it licked, but he was also 25 centimeters long, you know. That doesn’t count.
As far as I knew, men obviously lusted after our backside, but they were definitely not interested in feeling their own being touched, sucked, or penetrated. Never. Only gay men liked that stuff. That perineal zone was a no-man’s land - an area that was both an unknown continent to colonize and the border beyond which never to venture. Getting to the balls already made me feel like The Blowjob Queen, but “Fellatio-with-finger-in-the-sphincter” wasn’t really included on the menu.
When I got to Milan ten years ago, though, I realized that things weren’t exactly as I’d imagined. I discovered that many actually harbored the fantasy of being filled in the most forbidden orifice. It was a fantasy that was rarely fulfilled, since it was difficult to find someone willing to do it, (according to my friend P., who marched to the beat of his own drum and never hid the fact that he was into it).
In my jungle raids of metropolitan dating, I saw men get on all fours in the hopes that I would penetrate them out of nowhere with one of my sex toys. Others brought it to my attention ever-so-subtly, and others explicitly asked me to do it. But I just wouldn’t do it.
On the one hand, a few adventurous nights didn’t result in the proper amount of intimacy necessary; and on the other hand, the idea kind of grossed me out. Basically, I wasn’t convinced that I would have enjoyed the final product - the feeling, the image, and the experience of seeing a man act so submissively. I mean, it sent shivers down my spine if they so much as moaned or squealed, as if it was a prude’s first time going at it. The idea of titilating their crypto-homosexuality just wasn’t doing it for me.
+ Discover products
I’ve grown up since then, though, and in addition to opening up my legs, I’ve also learned how to become more open-minded. I also recognize that this controversial sexual practice impinges on common sexual ideology while reawakening some of our deepest hypocrisies.
I see that pegging is capable of reversing gender roles underneath the sheets, while redistributing ideas of domination and submission, being active or passive, or abandonment and control. I see men willing to strip themselves of the “macho” armor that has been oppressing them for millenia, all in the hopes of exploring their bodies and experiencing the neuralgic areas of pleasure without being stripped of their masculinity.
________________________________________________________________
You may also like: Guide to Anal Sex
________________________________________________________________
Quite honestly, I also see a practical side in all of this. Thankfully, men can discover how important lubrification is and how to use caution when it comes to penetrating someone’s anus. Plus, women can realize how difficult it can be on the pelvis when one takes on the role of “the giver”, and willingly indulges in Amazonian positions, in order to limit their playmates’ risk of heart attack. Of course, it’s also a position that stimulates us very...well...yes, we already know all about that.
When it comes to pegging, I see a revolutionary (indeed, revolutionized) perspective of one’s sexuality, in which the couple is free to discover themselves, to reveal their true selves, and to trust themselves with the other - all while moving beyond any sort of label.
Also - and I think this is the most interesting aspect - I see a conversation taking place surrounding men’s bodies, rather than those of women. In other words, it seems to me that it’s impossible to talk about pegging without talking about the penis (or rather, the relationship that males have with the aforementioned organ).
In fact, the crucial point is not that women can make up for their “anatomical deficiency” with pegging, thus soothing the Freudian envy of the penis (which, by the way, I assure you we don’t have). Instead, it means that men can finally admit that, at the end of the day, their phallus isn’t really that disgusting…on the contrary! (I know, it’s shocking, but it’s true).
Just think about it. They compulsively touch it when they hit puberty, they draw it everywhere, they carry it around for their whole lives, they make it a constant source of pride, of innuendos, and of teasing. Men are completely obsessed with the penis, much more than our gender is with the vagina (in fact, for many of us it’s actually a source of embarrassment). The penis is the totem of their identity, the cornerstone - and in the case that it doesn’t work properly, the Achilles’ heel. There you have it - how could a life dedicated to the penis remain the same, if the penis becomes an object of disgust?
I’m picturing my friends right now, who are probably shaking their heads and saying, “I told you, I don’t like that shit!”, and okay, I believe it. But we should also consider the fact that transsexual sex workers make great business, and that “trans” was the fifth most searched word on Pornhub in 2018. (Male searches for this word increased by 167%, whereas female searches rose by 78%).
It’s important to consider that anyone who has a gay friend (it just takes one) knows that homosexuals usually aren’t the ones hiring trans sex workers, because they find the entire male body attractive, from the abs to the pectorals, passing through the biceps and towards the buttocks (they wouldn’t be so obsessed with fitness the other way around). It’s also crucial to think about what mistresses say about their heterosexual clients who pay to be dominated, to be made to act submissively, and sometimes, to be humiliated (in short, they pay to get put in their place).
I’m not saying all of this in the hopes that all gentlemen reading this will give up their backsides in order to be deflowered. Nor do I wish to inspire all of the kind ladies to penetrate the first man that comes within range. Rather, I want to point out that an honest discussion, free from prejudices and cliches, can be interesting for everyone involved. It can help us transparently examine who we are, what we like, and what we want (within reason, of course, because tastes are personal).
The fact of the matter is that there shouldn’t be any lies, paranoia, or inadequacies when sex is involved (even though there are and there always have been). Sex is - and should remain - a beautiful activity, which serves its greatest purpose when it allows us to be human, open, imperfect, naked, and real. When it relieves us of fears, when it strips us of anxieties, when it leaves us with an explicit sense of well-being and freedom. When it allows us to explore, change, return home, and smile because of the surprises we’ve encountered along the way.
Now, just in case you’re wondering, which I’m sure you are: no, I’ve never pegged anyone...up until now, at least, and I’m not jumping at the chance to do it. But I wouldn’t rule out the idea of it happening one day, because I’ve learned that when it comes to sex, one should never say never.
I’ve learned this: that which excites us, satisfies us and pushes us into the body of another human being changes over time. It cannot be judged, as long as it respects the only basic rule: the conscious consent between parties.
And now, I hope that you all have excellent sex - in whatever way that strikes your fancy!