Hymen and Virginity: A Matter of Culture
There are many widespread myths about the hymen and how it works. As early as the middle ages, women were subjected to physical examinations of the hymen and inspections of their bedding after the consummation of marriage. However this is inaccurate and unfair.
Virginity is a cultural construct that has existed for centuries to control women’s behaviour so they can fulfil their social roles. Many cultures around the world still practise blood ceremonies and virginity tests today. As a result, women are rejected and sometimes even killed.
The hymen is not a physical marker of virginity. It can wear down over time from tampons, gynecological exams, self-exploration, sex or vigorous exercise.
The hymen is a mucous membrane (it is very flexible) and is found at the entrance of the vaginal canal. It’s half moon shape allows menstrual blood to pass out or intercourse to take place. The hymen’s membrane is made of interconnected strips. All hymens can vary, with some made of strips more, or less intertwined. They can have a hole in the center, two or more holes or very small holes. In some (rare) cases, the hymen can appear almost closed and have to be surgically opened.
The flexibility of the hymen depends on its fibres; in some people it could be less elastic and lacerate when dilating. In some rare cases it can bleed (especially if some capillaries are damaged) and hurt. This explains why, when someone has their first penetrative intercourse, bleeding is not so common and, if it happens, it’s not related to the “breaking” of the hymen. Often, inadequate lubrication can create small injuries and the muscular tension can cause pain. This can happen on your first penetrative intercourse as well as on your hundredth. Our midwife Rita Anna di Molfetta says, “sometimes, even after natural birth, the hymen can still be intact.” This shows you just how flexible it can be.
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Whether or not you have had penetrative sex, you can still visit a gynecologist, use tampons, use menstrual cups, masturbate and use sex toys. If you would like to take a look at your hymen, ask your gynecologist or midwife for assistance.
Your “first time” shouldn’t have to be painful or involve bleeding. The “first time” has always been fed with negativity: “you won’t like it”, “it’ll be awkward” or “you’ll feel pain”. This viewpoint has largely spread to discourage women from exploring their bodies and pleasure. Unlike men, young women perceive their virginity as precious and can feel pressured to maintain it, instead of embracing it as a new, exciting chapter.
We are taught that foreplay and sex are two different things. Foreplay is not “real” sex unless there is a penis and a vagina involved. For example, Freud proposed that there were two different kinds of female orgasms: the vaginal orgasm (where a man is needed) and the clitoral orgasm (labelled “infantile”). Anyone who didn’t transfer her centre of sensitivity to the vagina, he labelled as frigid. But in the last few years we discovered that all orgasms come from the clitoris, and the only difference is where you stimulate it.
Our view of orgasms highlights how closed-minded we are about sexuality and our patriarchal system. It’s a heteronormative vision, where heterosexuality is the norm, disregarding the wide range of sexuality and sexual acts that are experienced by non-heterosexual people. Sex can be experienced alone or with someone. There’s no distinction between foreplay and “real” sex. Moments of intimacy are the beginnings of our sexual journey.
It’s not easy to deconstruct this patriarchal vision of sexuality, where men are born to dominate women. These falsely nurtured thoughts are so deeply embedded, that we can struggle to see what's right or wrong. But we must learn to question and challenge it!
How can we change? UNESCO has created a set of sexual education curricula that all EU countries should follow, yet not all of them do. This curricula establishes the teaching of sexual education, emotional education and relational education, without stereotypes or a heteronormative vision. It is focused on inclusivity and a positive approach to sexuality. This can hopefully help our younger generations to be more empathetic and better understand our modern world.
In the UK sex and relationship education is compuslory form the age of 11 onwards. It involves reproduction, sexuality and sexual health. This year introduced LGBTQ relationships alongside dealing with issues like sexting, image sharing, revenge porn, online safety and women’s reproductive health and rights issues. The legislation may have passed, but the individual culture of each school and household will determine its implementations.
In the meantime, we can talk, discuss and raise awareness amongst ourselves to help debunk the bias. Improving the way we talk about sex and virginity will help contribute towards change!