“You were spraying water from your vagina and I freaked out. Now they call it squirting, but at the time I didn’t know about it. I thought you were sick [...] Now I get it, my nephew showed me some videos on the internet [...] I want you to stay over tonight, open your legs wide and ride the tsunami”.
This was a song by Ruggero dei Timidi, which made female ejaculation in Italy acceptable in 2013. In fact, it was completely taboo to talk about squirting before then. Like all female sexual practices, it was thought to be a myth, a phenomena from pornography, a legend.
Some time has passed since then, and squirting has become decidedly more mainstream these days. We could say it’s the equivalent of Pop music. Phrases such as, “If you squirt, I’ll marry you.” can be read on walls, on t-shirts, and in memes. “Squirt” is even the name of a soft drink.
To break through the impenetrable curtain of modesty, some truly heroic volunteers contributed by confessing: Yes, I squirt, and I’m not Cytherea. Not only that, but many have also told me about their experiences--how they figured it out, how they feel, how they are physically able to perform this mysterious hydraulic acrobatics, and how men react to it.
Basically, a conversation about female ejaculation was had. On my end, the most common reaction I heard from women was: “If only!!!”, because most of them would like to experience the thrill of this genital tsunami, but they aren’t able to do it, they don’t know how to do it, and they’re afraid of urinating. Others have succeeded just a few times, and only with certain partners. Then there are others who can only do it in the sole intimacy of autoeroticism. However, if well-stimulated and well-trained, it seems that most women (maybe even all women) can ejaculate.
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This begs the question: for what absurd reason should a woman train to develop her squirting skills, condemning herself to changing the sheets after every single time?
Just to perform in circus acts and impress partners?
Just because squirting is now “very much in vogue” and has become a source of pride (to the point that the Internet is swarming with guides, tutorials, and useful tips & tricks for bringing out the internal Olympic sprinkler)?
Now that (some) men are ready to go surfing on the peak of our orgasms, should we be drinking 12 liters of water each day in order to improvise sub-umbilical waves?
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As with most changes in culture, we have gone from one extreme to another. If wetting the sheets with love nectar was shameful five years ago, non-squirting appears to be a limiting deficiency these days. Squirting has been overloaded not by the only valid goal--the ultimate goal of female sexual liberation--but by anxieties over being able to perform. Even worse, it’s understood as yet another skill needed in order to meet the requirements of a new female stereotype.
I’m not going to get into the details surrounding how I personally discovered that I could be a superhuman-liquidator of sorts, because that’s not the point here. Given that I am not a sexologist, that what I say has absolutely no dogmatic value whatsoever, and that we are all different, let’s try to understand some things a little better:
1. I didn’t squirt for a long portion of my sex life, and the sex was no less beautiful or significant because of it. Squirting isn’t some sort of obligation, command, or honor. Squirting isn’t the only way a woman can feel pleasure...it’s just one of many possible options.
2. Even if you increase your own awareness of your body and learn to control the experience over time, squirting doesn’t just happen on command. We are not jukeboxes. There isn’t a button to push, nor an anatomical area to pounce on while impatiently waiting for the explosive splash to happen. Technique is certainly important, but being present in the moment always makes the difference.
3. Squirting is possible and very beautiful, so it’s healthy and legitimate that some women are curious about it. Almost always, our ejaculation (exactly like the male version) is accompanied by intense, complete, and powerful pleasure. It’s a tangible, visible, and more or less drinkable pleasure - exactly like that of men. It’s interesting if you think about it, because over the centuries, the female orgasm has been described as metaphysical, ambiguous, elusive, uncertain, and useless.
4. In terms of the brain (and I’d like to remind you that the brain is our main erogenous zone), squirting reverses the perspective and puts us in a revolutionary position: from sexual objects to sexual subjects. What am I saying? That “to swallow or not to swallow” is no longer just a recurring question for us women. Rather than just accepting it, we can actually be the ones to give a facial. In addition to receiving, we are giving. Our pussy responds, knows what it likes, and expresses its personality.
5. For all of the Ruggero dei Timidi in the world, it’s important to understand what your partner likes. I would be remiss not to admit that there are so-called “big boys” out there who are completely unprepared, or precise metrosexuals who would be utterly offended if we soiled their Frette bed sheets with our orgasmic juices. Engaging in a dialogue can be useful. Our lovely words can be used for more than just dirty talk in the bedroom, you know. “Is it okay with you if this happens? Keep in mind that I can also refrain from doing it”. I’ve never met a man who told me to hold back. In fact, most of them went nuts for it.
So, for all women who ask me for technical advice when it comes to squirting (just as one would ask a beauty blogger about concealer for dark circles), my answer is to live sex as a tool of expression, acceptance, and love (of oneself and for the other person).
Enjoy it, because it’s the sincerest form of communication that can be shared between two people. Masturbate, because that’s the moment when we stop judging ourselves and start indulging our body and listening to our fantasies, desires, and perversions.
To these women, I can only reiterate the fact that sex is a territory, and one of the few places where we have the exquisite opportunity to truly be free, lower our instincts, and take in all the sweat, saliva, moods, and smells. I’d suggest giving as much as you can of these things, all in the name of great sex--the kind that makes us lower our inhibitions, makes us lose control, and sucks us into a freefalling, whirlwind of pleasure without limits other than the two (or more) bodies that intertwine and melt into each other. And I’d suggest doing so boldly, reciprocally, and by indulging your magnificently filthy side.
Your best, most memorable fucks are probably the ones where you felt the freest (and this also goes for men). Those moments when you didn’t worry about your belly, your messy makeup, how you smelled, your hair regrowth, your period, or what the other person would think of you.
So, go and be free. And if the squirt is meant to be, you’ll figure it out...sooner or later!