The Cunnilingus Gap: Women Receive Less Oral Sex than Men. Why?
Let’s talk about oral sex. What comes to mind? For men, it’s the guarantee in receiving it. Women, however, realise that it’s something they just have to do for their male partners, but only hope to receive for themselves. Clearly, there’s a gap in the system.
In fact, speaking from personal experience, the number of times I’ve given oral sex is greater than the amount of times I’ve received it. (Obviously, we can insert a lovely little “work in progress” emoji here).
And based on a quick survey of friends, colleagues, and acquaintances, this is the unfortunate reality.
Given the fact that around 80% of women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, this phenomenon, which I like to call “The Cunnilingus Gap”, absolutely falls under the Top Ten Reasons why there is also an Orgasm Gap. Now, this isn’t to say that there aren’t men who don’t like giving oral sex, or that they don’t have fun while doing it, or that they don’t do it well. I just think we need to reach a quid pro quo when it comes to oral sex.
So, where did it go wrong?
Maybe it’s because most major magazines publish articles like, “How to Give Him the Best Blowjob” or “The Best Techniques to Drive Him Crazy”, but very few give men examples on how to push our buttons in all the right ways?
The lack of sex education involved when tackling “mutual pleasure” definitely plays a part. Could it also be that women don’t like receiving it? I don’t think so, since it’s essential in 80% of cases when reaching orgasm. Is it more complicated than performing oral sex on a man? It might take longer, but I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily more difficult.
For various reasons, our culture has led us to the idea that cunnilingus is a “more intimate” sexual practice when compared to fellatio, and so, it usually only enters the scene in more serious, long-term relationships.
For those of you who think this problem is actually quite rare, and is only affecting me and a handful of women, I’d like to direct you to this recent study. It confirms everything that I’m talking about: men in hetero-relationships receive more oral sex than women.
+ Our Selection for Oral Pleasure
Dear ladies, there is nothing wrong with asking for it. Everyone has a right to pleasure - not just men. Oral sex doesn’t have to be embarrassing.
Many women feel uncomfortable with their private parts because they feel like they’re not “okay” or “exactly as it should be”. But there isn’t a “perfect” vulva that is “exactly as it should be”. There are as many vulvas as there are women in this world, full of different colours, shapes, and sizes.
The same goes for the penis. No penis is like another. Each has its own shape and flavour, and there is no reason to be ashamed of it. We’ve probably been used to seeing and imagining more different penises when compared to vaginas, but just as the Great Wall of Vagina shows us, we are all wonderfully different.
Cunnilingus can be an unpleasant and embarrassing situation, since you may not know how to communicate your desires to your partner. After all, it’s difficult to explain how we like something that we cannot do alone, but it’s imperative to experiment and speak up. Take charge of the situation, and tell him/her if it should be slower or faster, if you feel more pleasure in another place, if it bothers you, or if it hurts you. There is absolutely no reason to be offended by this! In fact, men should be happy to learn how to give us pleasure.
And if he isn’t, then let me be the first to tell you: he is not the right person for you! Communication is the key to good sex. Nobody is saying that it must be done in total silence.
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You may also like: Guide to Oral Sex on a Woman
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I’ll leave you with just one last piece of advice: enjoy the moment. The reality is, most women struggle with anxiety over not reaching orgasm. If you start out with the idea of not liking something, and that it won’t work...well, it will never work. The brain is our most superior erogenous organ.
Reaching orgasm is not necessarily an obligation, but a pleasure. This does not mean that the path towards reaching it is any less important or unpleasant.
Let yourself go on the journey through pleasure. You could even try a toy in the meantime. But rest assured that you will reach orgasm.
It’s a give and take. This is sex, and it applies to everyone. Start claiming before giving.
By: Virginia Sofia Cerrone
Credits: Pic2: Thegratewallofvaginas