Happy New Year Ladies!! I hope you made a NYE resolution about promising to take more time for yourself and your pleasure. Speaking of which, I had time during my Christmas holidays to run a very interesting poll about oral sex (a perfect go-to topic during dinners and drinks!).
Since I shared that the cunnilingus gap does actually exist (meaning that women are getting less oral sex than men) I started becoming very fascinated about how to fill this gap.
Clearly, we should be telling our partner(s) how we like it– or at least that what porn told them is wrong most of the time.
Indeed, drinks and the all-festive atmosphere helped me get lots of frank and honest answers! So, I asked men and women separately how they performed cunnilingus and how they like to receive it.
As you might guess, the answers didn’t quite match, so I created this guide to give you a list of Dos and Don’ts.
But before getting into the juicy stuff, I just want to list a few important points:
The key to great sex is communication
Once again, we go back to the point where sex is a taboo topic, and even couples struggle to talk about it. Several women from my poll didn’t like cunnilingus because they had never found someone able to make this experience pleasurable for them. When I asked if they told their partner(s) this, or ever helped/guided them in any way, most of them said no.
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So girls, obviously you don’t know what you can’t experience on your own, but you must speak up! Share how you feel, like, or dislike it to make cunnilingus a great experience for yourself. We can’t, after all, blame just the men for that. Boys, if some of you are hopefully reading this, please ask her what she likes; pay attention to how her body reacts to your touch–let her guide you.
Not everybody likes oral sex
This is as true for men as for women. There are many other things you could do together, so there’s no obligation here. If it’s not your thing, that’s ok.
We are all different, not carbon copies
What one woman likes another may not, so this is not the magic infallible guide. There is no such thing as that, I’m afraid!
DON’T: Please, please and please guys. As much as you like giving oral sex, please do not go straight there like you are starving and about to eat your last meal placing your entire face in it.
DO: Tease, tease, and tease! The key to a great orgasm is to make it rise slowly. Titillating anticipation of our partner’s touch is simply amazing. So start playing around the vulva, between the legs, touch it, lick it, blow on it, stimulate the area the way you prefer—but gently! It doesn’t have to last hours, but should last longer than 30 seconds.
DON’T: Go to the clitoris right away. It’s the last part you should be touching when you see she is really asking for it.
DON’T: The myth of spelling the alphabet with your tongue on the clit to bring us to climax is pretty much…wrong. Instead, you should do circles, or some kind of up and down movements, gradually increasing speed. She might like it if you your whole tongue to feel more pressure, or maybe just the tip.
DO: Some will like a soft touch while others prefer a stronger stimulation. Again, talk to each other about that. If it’s the second option, you could help yourself by using your fingers on the clitoris, or perhaps by using a clitoral vibrator (to avoid getting too tired). Alternatively, sucking could also work.
Play it safe
I placed this reminder at the end of the article, not because it’s less important. If we had to order these steps, this should be the first one.
Let’s start with the most important concept: STIs can be transmitted through partners even when they perform oral sex. So it’s very important to protect yourself even during oral sex, either cunnilingus or any other play.
If you don’t date any other partner(s) and you test yourselves regularly, the approach can be different; anyways, it’s clear that if you have mouth ulcers, herpes or any other mouth issue, you should use protections during oral sex.
And this brings me to the next step: how can you protect your vulva? Maybe some of you know about dental dams, you can see them at the dentist’s: they are little blankets that you can place on your vulva. They are not so comfortable, that’s true.
Alternatively, some people cut vertically a condom and place it on the vulva.
Luckily, there’s a much more practical solution, but not so many know about it: the female condom, like LUWI. The best thing about LUWI - and it’s one of a kind - is that the external ring is created in order to stay widely stretched on your vulva, totally covering it. It’s very steady, more than a dental dam, because it’s inserted in the vagina; moreover, if you want to have penetrative sex too, it’s already there.
It’s very important to have fun as much and whenever you want, but always to do it safely.
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DO: Remember to go slow and to increase the speed as you see her body is asking for more. You are leading her; let her ask for more.
DO: If you want to doubly stimulate, you can also stimulate her G Spot with a “come here” movement with your fingers while inside of her.
Perhaps my tips on how to perform oral sex on a woman will help you next time…and of course, practicing them will help, too!
Truth is, I’ll stick to my first point: the key to great sex is communication. Other than techniques, which can always be learned and improved, if we don’t share what we want and like with our partner(s) and if we don’t overcome taboos on sex, we’ll never fully enjoy such a wonderful experience.