When you buy furniture from IKEA, you find instructions to assemble it. When you decide to cook a special dinner, you follow a recipe. When you buy an appliance, you check the manual to better understand how to make it work. How about when you buy a sex toy?
Even if we are living in the twenty-first century, some people still like to make us feel ashamed of buying sex toys. Luckily, there are many influencers that advocate sex positivity and helping dissolve the taboo and stigma surrounding it. By buying/using a toy, you are also contributing to this change.
Whether you’ve found your perfect toy or are still in search of it (in that case, check out our article on how to choose your first sex toy), here’s our guide to help you get the most out of your toy.
Are you looking specifically for a clitoral toy? Here's the guide you need.
Are you looking for a G-spot vibrator instead? Read this article to get the perfect one for you.
Get into the mood
Let’s start from the basics: getting into the right mood (both physically and mentally) shouldn’t be underestimated - just like foreplay in sex. Be sure to find yourself in a comfortable and relaxed situation; find the right spot for you, where you can completely focus on yourself. Green light for some music, candles or anything you’d like in the background to set the mood. The golden rule: when talking about pleasure, everything starts from your brain. When you are in the right mind-set, everything goes smoothly.
If you have time to start slowly, just run your sex toy along your body, everywhere except for your genitals. The skin is our largest erogenous organ; discover which spots turn you on and build on your desires. If you are already turned on or you have less time to dedicate to this part, just skip it and go to the next step!
You know when people say mayonnaise is good on everything? Well, lubes are the mayonnaise of the pleasure world. No, I don’t mean that you can eat them (although there are edible lubricants, if you are interested); I mean you can use them anywhere. They moisturise your vulva, help with lubrication if there’s some dryness or if you get easily irritated, they make everything smoother - whether you use your toy internally or externally. I promise, lubes will become your best friend. Just one thing: always check if your lube is compatible with the material of your toy. We suggest that you get water-based lubricants that get along with medical grade silicone.
Turn the vibrator on
If you’ve chosen a vibrator, set it to the lowest vibration mode and give yourself some time to discover how it feels, both internally and externally, especially if it’s your first time. Always follow your instinct, listen to your perceptions and let pleasure guide you to the discovery of your whole body. Place it on your labia majora first, then on the labia minora; if it’s an internal toy, go step by step before full penetration. Increase vibrations one step at a time, depending on how sensible you are on the different parts of your body.
Choose your favourite stimulation (or try them all!)
We say this often, as it's very important: 85% of women need a clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. Spoiler alert: the “vaginal orgasm” still comes from a clitoral stimulation but an inner point. Instead of thinking of the vagina and clitoris as separate entities, try thinking about them as a network of nerves and muscles. It’s totally fine if you prefer to stimulate only externally, but if you prefer to do it only internally, you may enjoy deeper and more intense vibrations. There are people who love internal stimulation with a toy and external stimulation with their hands, all at the same time. There are endless possibilities in front of you, so be open to experimentation!
Listen to yourself
The keyword during masturbation and toy use is: pleasure. If anything you try is annoying or painful, just stop and try to understand what you could be doing wrong. Try to remove the toy or lower the vibrations and check if you were in an uncomfortable position, where your muscles could be tightened. Always listen to your body.
Alone or together?
Your self-love moments are only yours and if you decide to share them with someone, that's fine too. As we’ve said many times before, having a partner doesn’t mean you should give up on masturbation. You can keep it to yourself or involve your partner(s) by talking about it or masturbating together.
If you choose to use sex toys with your partner(s), you have different options: do it by yourself or leave the use to your partner(s) - via app for remote-controlled toys or masturbating on a phone call; you could be physically in the same place but using toys/masturbating on your own, in front of each other; or, your partner(s) can use sex toys to give you pleasure. Just explore your creativity (with consent!).
You may also like: How to Use Couple Toys
To sum it all up, there are no “rules” and no instruction manuals. There are no right or wrong ways of masturbating: as long as your sex toy is body safe and you are not using objects that could hurt you, anything that gives you pleasure is absolutely fine.